In 1 Co 7:1-9 the Apostle Paul responds to questions on sexual behaviour that some of the Greek, Corinthian believers had for him. This is what the father of the Christian ekklesia had to say on the subject:
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.
7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.
9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion. ESV
It does not get much clearer than this. The only reason for abstinence is prayer and that is only for a short period of time. I don’t think anyone in our culture today spends that much time in prayer that they can’t be having wild passionate sex with their spouse! Ha! Nevertheless, being in prayer is the ONLY viable reason for not having sex with your spouse, regularly. It is no longer a choice: it is an obligation in marriage.
The choice is in getting married or not getting married. Once the choice has been made to get married, it comes with conjugal rights. The Greek word exousia, the exercise of authority over another, is something we give to each other when we get married. If my wife wants to have sex and I don’t; too bad, get with the program. If I want to have sex with her and she doesn’t; take a shower! Ha! Each of us needs to understand our responsibility to the other.
I need to have sex with my wife at least every other day whether I want to or not. If I don’t, it becomes harder (poor choice of words,) more difficult, to maintain an erection. Several years back I had the opportunity to attend a Rodeo School that had similar goals to that of the Outward Bound program. In bull riding, to get a qualifying score you had to stay on the bull for 8 seconds. This was considered a good ride. Not so much in the sack! If you are ready to finish and your spouse is just getting warmed up, it is time to start exercising your authority more frequently!
Not having sex with your spouse falls into the category of deprivation. It comes from the Greek word apostereo. Apo means off of or away from and stereo means to deprive, defraud, despoil. When we stay way from each other or literally off of each other we are depriving the other off their rights, which is defrauding. I believe that regular sex of 3-4 times a week is the biggest key there is to a happy marriage. Notice I said “happy.” Anyone can have a marriage that lasts to death with relatively no sex involved. Both parties just “suck it up” and lie to themselves that it is not really that important.
It is like I said in one of Michael Hyatt‘s posts on the subject, “you can show all the public adoration you want to for each other, but if the check bounces in the bedroom your just full of hot air!” (that’s the jist of what I said.) How is your sex life?